Learning to Love

Last week Michael Jackson died. A couple of people I know were talking about his death as he just being another person that died, then went on to elaborate that Michael Jackson’s life wasn’t as important as others people. I am not saying that I do not value the lives of the ones I love, but that Michael Jackson had an impact on more people that most people do. And because of that impact God placed me with a heart of compassion for him, his family and his fans. Yes I too am a former fan of his, but a greater fan of God. I love God so I am learning that in order to truly love God I must love my neighbor as myself. Yeah I am learning to love. You may say that, "i thought Christians are supposed to love people." and Yes we are supposed to love people, but we ourselves are learning to love and grow as a person in Christ. We have struggles too, we hurt, people hurt us, we have hurt others, and no there is no excuse to hurt others. God isn't pleased with that, but we are imperfect people that are being perfect by Christ, some quickly and some slowly but in the end, when we go to be with our Lord, then we will be perfect. Our first level is zeal. In this level we want everyone to get saved, but lack tenure in a walk with God. We get strong religious convictions on the next level. this is what i like to call the dogma. We tend to try really hard to please God, well i know this to be true in my own life. Then we get a revelation point, this is when we stop beating up ourselves and others and forgiving ourselves, this is also a maturing moment. You learn that just because you have received salvation, doesn't make you perfect, and that's where i am now. I am learning to say, God use me as you will. You know I'm not perfect and i know that as well, but God i am willing to be used in this imperfect state to please you. God help me to grow in a way that is pleasing to you. in this revelation process we are being broken and learning to truly trust God. God is real.

Holy Spirit Power

Wow last nights church service was awesome! We learned about the Holy Spirit and how He operates. I learned so much! i thank God for His goodness. Last week i felt so tired and weak but this week so stong in the Lord! God has blessed me and strengthened me. I know that i am blessed by God. He has blessed me with the gift of patience, i know that what His word teaches is true, What He has promised He is able to perform. This lesson also taught me to trust him even more. It's great to have a God that understands my needs and desires and meets every one of them. He knows my heart

God- The Lover of my Soul

I for a small period was depressed. I am starting a club called Christian Students of Excellence. And as soon as i turned in the bylaws, i was hurt by people close to me. Many didn't even want my company. i was tired and couldn't sleep. i didn't think i was worrying until God raised up a song in my spirit called 'Let Go' by Dwayne Wood. that song blessed me because it taught me just to let God have His own way and to trust in His word. i am finding that God's word is true because every bit of it is manifested in my life right now, not in times to come. But as long as i life on this earth that He created i will see His word performed, to the good or to the bad. God's word is so powerful that when i pray His word and His will over a person, i see the end before they see it. And that end for them is so beautiful! getting back to the subject, i had been asking God to remove a love out of my heart for a person i thought that i loved. But God went deeper. God told me to let go of the hurt of my past in friendships, and rejections of family and former friends. Yes they had hurt me and very deeply but what God helped me to understand is that the hurt that existed in my heart was not only hurting me but drawing hurting people to me. so the very people i tried to get away from are the very people wants me to share His unconditional love with. i know that every individual in the world wants and deserves unconditional love. Well i wrestled with releasing this because the hurt caused fear and fear in turn kept me out of sinful relationships. But that was not the will of God. God wants to protect me but He is not forceful because He is love, but He will compel me to release anger and fear. the fear became a trap for me. I had a hard time even talking to people and was beginning to fall back into the despair of depression once again. I mean, when you have lived in fear most of your life, it is a difficult thing to give up. I had so many walls around my heart that i didn't even let God in to heal and what should have been torn down, the walls i mean, i found safety in. this was what i retreated to when my parents were fighting. this is where i hid when people wanted to really get to know me. The walls came down. I let go and released the fear and anger. i fell asleep and i gasped as i was released from all fear and doubt. I really trust God now. He is my protector, the One i can always talk to, the One who has no fear because He is Love. God is so great! Thank You God for healing my broken heart, thank You God for setting me free from all fear, never to return again. thank You God for being my Savior and Knight in shining armor. Thank You God for being the Lover of my Soul, ah, your breath is my soul, oh how God completes me! God is great!

Father's Day

Wow, Father's Day was great, didn't get to spend it with my dad, but i was able to call him and tell him i love him and everything. I thank God for my dad. he has just changed so much! i remember when my dad was younger, had a lot to work on. But now my dad is very accountable with my step mom. Sometimes i wish that he would have been that way with my mom. But i have learned that all things work out anyway. My brother is being a really great dad now. God has changed so many things that i cannot even explain them all at once! I remember when some of my friends had turned on me and were really nasty and i didn't know why, but God allowed the truth to be told them by people that really know me, and they changed like that! People in my workplace that i have been praying for, I have seen GOD bless them in so many ways. One lady that i know in my heart had a really hard life, i prayed that God would change things around for her, even though she was nasty towards me, and He did! God heard my prayers and answered them. God is so awesome! And things in my life that i have been striving to do better in, i have found that if i cant get that accomplished, it is best that i pray and allow God to change me. I have been very hurt by the people i have been praying for and in some ways i have allowed it to give me a low self image. Sometimes i think even that i am not good enough or what i am doing so wrong that i am being rewarded with evil even with my striving to always do my best. But i am learning it doesn't really matter what others say about me or even to me, all that really matters is that i am pleasing God. Sometimes i get discouraged in always working to perfect myself in Christ, on the job, at home, in being a good steward over my body and the thing i have in possession. i am learning to encourage myself, especially when others hurt me. Sometimes i think that maybe what i desire for myself isn't as important as what others desire, but i am learning that what i desire is just as important to God as what others desire. As an intecessor, you put aside your own plans and take up what God wants you to pray for others and you put your own desires aside sometimes. Most times the very things i want for myself, i pray for others and that satisfies me for a time, but i still want God has for me. One time i thought that it was wrong to want something for myself. but when my Pastors, thank God for my Pastors, did a teaching called 'What's in it for me' i learned that God put it in us all to want better for themselves. i guess for so long i have been the one always giving until it's hard to recieve. like for a long time i have had a hard time recieving love, but not a hard time giving it. Isnt that something. Me a Christian, recieving the love of God but having a hard time recieving it from His people, yeah that's something that is definately on my agenda to work on, along with a whole bunch of stuff.

What a Day!

Wow today was really tense. i was helping people move but i really liked that aspect of the day. i cant stand math. this class was taking me through the ringer, i would almost pay to be rid of it. i know that the government is paying for it, but i want out. i will take it again next semester, but as a regular class. i think hybrid class should be against the law. i know that we live in a society that embraces the computer as a new life form but in some cases the old pen and paper will do. Really stressful, i gotta pray

Just wanna warm up

Yeah, my boss suggested I start a blog. I really like to write, I do it at any spare time I have. I have seen God do some marvelous things in my life and i want to share it with the world. My relationship with my mom and dad are pretty much settled now. Here are the juicy details. I was kicked out of my brothers house and didn't have anywhere to go and my dad told me, that i couldn't stay with him. What a rejection. But God had already laid on my heart to ask a friend to stay with them. God is good like that. I was angry at him for a very long time about that. Then my mom. There were times that she wouldn't even let me take a shower over her house, because at the place I was staying, the hot water heater was out and it was during the very cold parts of winter. I had been praying for a long time about this. I know that in my bible it says to forgive those that hurt you, and it was definitely a process. Had to continually shower love on them, and that was very hard. But my bible also says that many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him out of them all and not a bone of His is broken. i found this to be true. It took longer than i anticipated but eventually and also very quickly they changed. People may not realize that God is real. He hears your prayers and answers them now. I have had people that for no apparent reason were just nasty towards me. Maybe because i was poor and homeless and the shelter i had was just shelter. So people looked down on me. But God blessed me, because in those hard times I learned to trust in Him completely. I learned also that He is so real. I am much stronger than i was before. i don't let people say anything that God doesn't say about me to me. I stand up for myself when confronted. if they talk behind my back, i cant control that, but i Can control what i receive and what i do not. I remember one time, i was gaining a little weight but maybe about 5 pounds, yet overall i had already lost 80. This lady told me, girl you better slow down on those hamburgers or you gonna be big as a house. The Holy Ghost rose up on the inside of me, and i said hold on, I have been big before and i will never be big again, the weight i lost is dead to me and i had another lady confirm that i had lost a lot of weight already. So in the instance she was speechless and mad at me for a long time about that. but i learned that not everyone can speak into my life, especially discrediting the hard work and patience it took to get those pounds off. So don't let people walk all over you, God isn't pleased when people discredit you. I learned to be bold about what i believe in and that what i have earned is mine and no one can take that from me, except me, God bless